I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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