This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
