4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
