Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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