I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
