There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
