Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
