i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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