I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
