How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
