I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
