It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
