apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
