chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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