do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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