He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm eating all of the evidence.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
