I met the friendliest cop last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
