the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
