You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
