Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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