hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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