so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
