Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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