I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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