Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
