lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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