just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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