I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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