ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
