He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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