oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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