apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
