it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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