using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
