New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
