I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
