I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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