I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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