I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
