well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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