Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
