Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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