btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
