Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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