so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
