remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
