I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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