i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
