im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
