see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
