she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
