is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
