You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
