WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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