Just cropdusted the office
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bring money and cleavage
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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