Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
