Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
