All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
