But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
