you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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