ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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