My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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