i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
