i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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