don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
