I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
