Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
