wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
